This is the opening chapter of my award winning memoir. Yeah!
It’s best if you turn your phone sideways to read this. You could do that with your laptop. I don’t recommend it. #youdoyou
All of the events you are about to read are true.
In some ways, I wish they weren’t. You’ll see what I mean. #fairwarning
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Sorry. I’m yelling.
My entire family suffers from extreme hypertension. Shocker, I know.
Just want to make sure you snap it up before someone publishes me and takes it off of this site.